Elvira Mistress Of The Dark (1988)

ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE DARK (1988)

Dir: James Signorelli

Watching Elvira Mistress of the Dark as the first film in Elvira’s 40th Anniversary Very Scary Very Special, Special, Especially For You is a gift from the gods. The most glaringly obvious effect that watching Elvira host Elvira has is you notice that Cassandra Peterson is eternal. 1988 Elvira and 2021 Elvira are twins. You could then argue that the secret to immortality is goth. I’m grabbing up some mascara and black lipstick now. I’ll get my nails painted dark as night, find some leather that fits me right, and allow the sounds of the Bauhaus to battle off daylight.

Mistress ages as well as Elvira does, because any moment spent with her fills you with nostalgic glee. I’ve always enjoyed the clashing of gothic sensibilities with suburban deceit. It always works to one degree or another, whether it’s The Munsters, The Addams Family, or Edward Scissorhands. Mistress of the Dark exploits this as well. The town cannot stand how strange Elvira is. She must be brainwashing their children, stealing their men, and plunging the town into an amoral abyss. The villagers grab their pitchforks and demand to burn her as a witch. Okay, so she is a witch. But she’s not that great and her uncle is like way worse. Mistress is a treat, one we’ve probably never deserved enough until now.

Having Elvira back on TV is everything. I thought when Shudder revived Joe Bob that there was a glitch that was too good to be true, but giving us Elvira – even for one night - solidifies that we are in a glorious age of media curation. Now the Shudder powers-that-be can perfect this trifecta with Rhonda Sheer. If we had Shudder Up All Night, the great abyss may open beneath us as we are not worthy of that world.